JiGgA WhAt? (lookits420) wrote,
JiGgA WhAt?

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I went gravesite visiting today. I went to my grandpas, Lil J's (jermaine), and Justins. I went alone, so I had about of time to just sit and think. Death is so hard to deal with. Not a day goes by that I dont think of Jermaine. What would he look like by now? What would his personality be like? What would my life be like? Its hard knowing that I'll never know. He'll never know. He was only here for 4 days. His life had just started. He'll never ever know.

Justin was only 22 when he died. He only got to live a small part of his life. He left his 3 sisters and his parents behind. He was 2 weeks away from getting married to a girl that he was so in love with. It was so unexpected too. The night before I was chillin with him and we were talkin bout all the shit we were gonna do that weekend. The next day he was gone. Shot in the chest 3 times. Why him? So many people get shot daily. Why Justin? The guy I've known for 6 years? All the sudden he was gone. You never really do get over it. At certian points in time you think you see them and that they suddenly came back. You have dreams that they are still here kickin it in the driveway on a nice summer night. You remember all the good times and how you want that to happen again. You pray to go back to those days. But you can't, cause he's gone forever. You walk through his house, and you can still see where he would sit in the room. People still leave Justins chair open thinking he's gonna walk in and sit on it. Its sad to think that this all happens like this. That people just... die...

I held Jermaine in my arms when he died. I felt the life leave his 4 day old body. I saw his eyes slowly close and him sleep. I wanted to wake him up but I knew he wasnt gonna wake up. I was angry that someone could take away a 4 day old baby. Why so soon... why at all? Why did he even have to come out alive. I would have rather had it so he died in the womb. So he never would've had to get all these tests done and be hooked up to all these machines. He would've died peacefully, nice and warm, without ever having to come out. I also wouldn't have had to see him. Now I forever have his picture stuck in my brain of a little helpless baby dying. I cant talk about it anymore.

Gravesite tours are very thought provoking. My tip for the day is to go bring flowers to the friends and family you've lost.
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